Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Day After

"Some folks are born made to wave the flag, Ooh, they're red, white and blue.

And when the band plays hail to the chief, Ooh, they point the cannon at you, lord,

It aint me, it aint me, I aint no senators son, son.

It aint me, it aint me; I aint no fortunate one, no,....."

The lyrics above are from a Creedence Clearwater song called "Fortunate Son", and it is what goes through my head often when I see my friends, family and others davening in shul. I used to be one of them, 3x a day, going to great efforts to make that minyan, be it 6AM or 11PM.

But, it aint me. I was a fortunate son, with many years of being frum, learning, yeshiva etc. I was was the fortunate son, who had all the answers and any question in life was easily solved by opening a sefer, speaking to a Rav, and you know what, it worked. My, how it worked.

It took a few years but now I am totally indifferent to shul or davening for that matter. I dont do either, and absolutely nothing is missing from my life. Where did it all go wrong, or right for that matter is a subject for a different post. So why do I still speak about it, why do i spend time on skeptic blogs such as those listed on the sidebar? Because like many in the blog world, I am still joined at the hip with the frum world. My spouse in frum and we are living in a frum community, with family, friends, schools etc. But also I believe that even if you manage to restart your life in the non-frum world, and you stop being frum actively, but you will always be frum in some part of your identity, for better or worse. It is my heritage, with 10's of years of investment of time and energy and it does not get deleted so quickly.

The title of this post and this blog is to discuss "the day after" is about what happens after you have become convinced that the torah was man made. After you have gone through the Documentary Hypothesis, whether through blogs, internet or from the various books on the subject from people like Friedman and have realized sitting in shul why doesnt this bother Rashi??? After you have journeyed with XGH for years and countless hours of ups and downs trying to make sense of OJ.

What happens after you realize that Rabbis are ordinary people, while intelligent, caring, and well meaning, have no real ruach hakodesh, just rabbinical experience and extensive knowledge of halacha and jewish texts. They also cannot say with certainty what will happen in the future, and for that matter what happens after you die.

What happens to you, to your spouse, your children, your family and friends,... the day after.

So I have decided to share some of my thoughts with all of you out there, and in the words of Billy Jean "because there can't be too much support for secret skeptics and the formerly frum."