Well its been a very long time without posting, and I guess its a reflection of acceptance and my being in a good place. This i guess somewhat reflects the five stages of grief.
I began to reach acceptance about a year and a half ago. What does this mean? And what is this promising nirvana that all you people out there who are in the midst of the battle can look forward to?
Acceptance means that you no longer are a slave. As a friend of mine said its like having a 100 pound weight removed from your back. You no longer have a godly religous conscience monitoring and questioning every motive and action in your life. This does not mean that you are unethical or immoral. Far from it, but rather it means that you become autonomous and you trust your own sense of right and wrong, and live your life accordingly.
Personally I feel that the possibility that this life is all we have and that there is no afterworld has sharpened my sense of justice in the here and now. Meaning that if i have done wrong, or if someone has wronged me, there is no settling up of debts in the afterlife, and it is up to us to resolve conflicts in this world. On this note, I would also add that I live more for the Now, as per Eckhardt Tolle and try to remember to live each day as if its your last forever.
Further all the trials and tribulations of trying to make sense of the Orthodox theology are over. You recognize all religons as different ways people deal with existential questions. You still identify with Judaism as it is your own nation's path and therefore it is important to you. But you recognize that god (if he exists) is to great for any one religon and the diversity of religous faith and practice contribute, not detract, from the unity of god (see Jonathan Sacks).
To be continued